I've been struggling with body dismorphic disorder, ortorexia and bingeing for as long as I can remember. I've heard a million times that I should eat more, I should eat less, I should exersice more, I should exercise less. I've been trying to love myself while the demons in my mind always reminds me not to.
I've been ashamed of my body, to a point where I couldnt even go out of bed, because I couldnt even look at myself. I didn't wanna feel my feet touch the ground, because it felt like my body would start a eartquake as i walked on it. I've been so scared to meet people on different days, because it feels like people won't even reconize my face, because i'm changing so much from days to days.
I've come to this point now where i've realized that not everybody is going to love me. Not everybody is going to think i'm beautiful. Not everybody is going to think i'm even okay, but thats okay. I don't need people in my life who dosn't accept me for who I really am anyway.
As long as i'm Having this eating disorder will always make me lose and gain weight. Period. I don't wanna feel like i'm good enough when I look better on the outside (and feel like shit on the inside) and feel like people will laugh at me as I'm looking right now. I only want people in my life who takes me as I am, no matter which size. When I'm finally free (and trust me, one day I will be!) i will probably both look and feel better than ever. But if you can't love me now, don't love me later.
Thanks my loved ones for believing in me, when I couldnt believe in myself. I will do everything I can to be the best version of who I really am. Thanks to you, it's going to be possible.
And for you fatphobic people out there, do yourself a favour and go and hide somewhere. every human being has the same rights, but if you think fat people should hide then that's what you should do. Yeah, Your thoughts describes you so go eat them up. Whatever you're thinking is describing who you are, not who I am.